Right now I’d like to talk about my relationship with my partner because it’s been on my mind for a while. I’m sitting here reflecting and wondering, okay… how do we get the spark back?
It’s not that we don’t love each other. We do. We work well together. We appreciate what we’ve built over the last four years. We have a really good life. It’s just that I miss the intimacy. Sometimes I don’t even miss the sex as much as I miss the closeness. I miss that quality time where we’re connected physically, mentally, emotionally. And yes, the intimacy too. Even better.
I think we started going through a shift about a year ago. I keep thinking, okay, let’s break the spell. Let’s break the pattern. Yet somehow it doesn’t happen, and that’s okay… and not okay at the same time. I wonder about being happy, going to bed each night, living this full life together, yet still feeling a little bit of a void when it comes to flirting, kissing, and those moments where it’s just the two of us. Those moments where you know each other in a way that’s different from busy, everyday life.
We’ve talked about shaking things up. We’ve talked about fun ideas and toys and making more time for each other. We’ve talked a lot. I guess that’s what I’ve been pondering. We keep talking about acting on it, but we haven’t. I’d like to. Sometimes, by the end of the day, we’re both so tired that another day slips by and we haven’t really tried.
I talked with my therapist about it this morning, and she gave me some great feedback. She said, “Just like your coaching, you want something ordinary to become extraordinary.”
That’s what I want for this part of our lives. I want it to feel extraordinary, just like so many other parts of our life together.
Maybe it starts small. Flirting. Kissing. Grabbing each other in the kitchen. Tickling. Playing.
I think that’s my theme right now: playing more. And this is the relationship where I want to play more. My partner. My lover. My best friend.
We do so much for each other. I feel like this is one piece of the puzzle that deserves some attention. That closeness you only find when you’re really present, breathing together, relaxing into each other, creating a space where intimacy has room to grow again.
Becoming lighter. Becoming flirtier. Becoming grounded in the belief that we can have this, even though we’re tired. We work hard all day and sometimes we just collapse at night. We’re happy collapsers. But I’d love for that little missing piece of the whole picture to be a little more alive.
My therapist reminded me this is pretty normal for couples our age. You become comfortable together. You don’t exactly miss it… but you do. Or maybe you kind of a lot miss it.
I know I kind of a lot miss it.
Maybe he doesn’t miss it the same way I do. That’s why the conversation matters. But I think acting on it matters even more.
A friend of mine said, “Have a real date night.” Go out somewhere romantic, then come home and have fun.
She’s probably right.
Our date nights have become Home Depot, buying plants, or picking up tools for the garden. Or curling up on the couch to watch a movie. And honestly, I love those things. They’re part of us.
The other night we were watching a movie with commercials every fifteen minutes. I thought, “Well, this is perfect.” Every commercial break I started making out with Grant on the couch. I think I surprised him a little.
I figured, what better way to spend the commercials?
We laughed. We kissed. But I still didn’t quite feel the connection I was hoping for. It felt like one eye was on me and the other was waiting for the movie to start again.
So… deep breath.
One day at a time.
One small, mindful noticing.
One inspired action at a time.
I’ll keep you posted as life, love, and intimacy move through us.
Love moves faster than footsteps,
Audrey